07/28/2010

25 days.

25 days left in the place I've called home for the past 13 years.

25 days left in my comfort zone.

25 days left to cherish 25 important aspects of my life:

1. Mom's constant nagging to get up in the morning

2. Buying the powerball every Wednesday and Saturday for dad
3. Laughing at Karan's jokes, and faces
4. My closest friends
5. Watching crappy quality Indian movies that my dad "got" with the family
6. Eating quality Indian food
7. The annoying dramatic effects found in Indian soap operas
8. Knowing that dad is right upstairs working hard
9. Watching Shahrukh Khan and simultaneously sighing with mama
10. Secretly having late night phone calls, skype dates, and sending texts much later than I should.
11. Moses
12. My room, my bed, my red wall
13. Inside jokes
14. Dad's crazily creative metaphors of life
15. Watching trashy tv shows with the brother
16. The computer next to me buzzing
17. The incessant clicking as Karan texts mysterious friends
18. Cooking whenever I'm feeling stressed
19. Dad telling me to take pictures of Colorado's wacky weather
20. Nikon CoolpixP90
21. Hearing mom's cell phone go off at odd hours of the night
22. The inviting noises from the kitchen
23. The smell of Chai in the morning and knowing how much I don't like it.
24. Frantically searching for scissors cause they're never in the right spot.
25. Importantly, hugging everyone that means so much to whenever I wanted too


=]


Everyday my excitement increases.


But


Memories about the past 18 years rush back with full force.


The good times, the bad times, and even the not so important times.


25 days and all this won't be the same anymore.


POOF! Gone...

07/24/2010

The Mind of a soon to be college student that only has one month left until she moves away from home:

Sporadic

It's like every thought these days in my mind are just about everything. Literally, everything. Thoughts of the world, the ocean, the beach, my new home, my old home, my family, my new friends, my old friends, work, money, health, new adventures, old adventures, clothes, food, class, and fear. The one that enstills in my mind with the greatest soft abundance is fear. The fear of how everything in a month is going to change. In 30 days, I will be on my own, knowing my current support group (except for 1) and my family are so far away. 21 hours by car, 2 hours by plane. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited more than words can describe about the move. Seeing that new best friend that after three years of never really talking, and in just two months knowing almost every single detail about one another. Then there's the Fresh new perspectives, and where people don't know me for who I used to be, but who I am now. Somewhere where I won't be that lonely person, and knowing that is a great feeling. Yet, there's that fear that sits in the back of my mind. Whispering... gnawing at my brain. What if it turns out to be the worst decision I made, nothing turns out right, I just straight up FAIL. I screw it all up. For me, and the people that care the most around me. I don't want it to happen. It's like I keep telling myself everyday, "You know you can just avoid it all, and not go. That way you won't fail." But the need to go thankfully is so much more prevalent. I don't know, it's just making me crazy. I'm now definite about this decison to move, I'm not going to turn my back and walk away from it. But it's the hushed fear that just makes me think about every possible thing that could wrong, instead of every possible thing that could go right.  

What's going to happen to me this next month is going to be truly amazing. Even with these bipolar thoughts, I can only be optimistic about it all, and feel confident that everything will be ok.

07/12/2010

Serenity.

A beautiful feeling. That moment when everything just seems right with the world. No cares. No worries. No nothing. Just you and the world grasping life and appreciating every moment of it. It can be experienced at any random time. While sitting and reading a book outside, the moment you jump into a pool and stay under for as long as you can just staring at the blue walls, on top of the mountain where all you can see are other snow capped mountains untouched and smooth, that moment right before you decend down that run, or just standing there staring at the vast ocean as sun rises in the east. Any given moment, that peace lives in your system, unconciously telling that everything will be ok. The Past, Present, and Future drive your thoughts. The past is nothing but history to learn from, the present is an opportunity to take advantage of, and the future is shaped by the actions of our past and present. Like Robin Williams character says in The Dead Poets Society, "Carpe Diem. Sieze the day. Make your lives extraordinary." That's what it's all about. It's so easy gear away from the path, and lose sight of what matters. With all the negativity in this world, you can lose sight of it all. Fortunately, it's these moments of Peace that guide you back  making sure you make life extraordinary. Making life better than you could have ever imagined, whether alone, with friends, with family, that special someone, or with complete strangers. Life keeps going no matter what. There is no pause button, you just got to make sure that every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day is filled with with nothing but what you want, what makes you happy. Sounds selfish, but there is so much out there that creates happiness that's can make you look selfish as well as unselfish. There's so much out there. You just have to find it... So savor those moments of Serenity, it can help you uncover the best parts of life.

My future lies in Oregon. =] (Photo: A mountain in Oregon, taken from the plane)

Inspiration:

Kyle Taylor Hubbard

Born: May 11, 1992

He's just plain Awesome.

07/02/2010

Ever wish you had a filter system in your head that actually worked, and sometimes that certain things were never shot out of that deadly canister called a mouth. [All the time] It happens to the best of us. The worst part is feeling guilty. It sits in your mind, starts to rot and eat away your brain until you're strung out. Then you get heavy shoulders of regret. [Such a sucky feeling]. But why do we feel guilty after only blurting out Honesty. We are in America, and we do have the freedom of speech. We can say whatever the hell you want, whenever you damn please. [Amen] You shouldn't have to care how other people feel about what you say, but there's a but. In the words of John Mayer, "If you could only/Say What You need to Say/Say What you need to Say/...etc."[Say by John Mayer {duh}] Key words from that song, "if you could only." You can't always be that honest. Especially, when it comes to those that hold some piece of your heart, either big or small. That brutal honesty can sometimes cause them to clunch that piece they have of you, instaneously causing that guilty feeling to release. It then pierces you and gnaws away at you slowly and painfully. [Stupid filter] Fortunately, the strenous gnaw goes away, but only when you feel at peace. At peace with affected, and at peace with the yourself.

____________________________________

STOP. BREATHE. THINK. then SPEAK.