Sporadic
It's like every thought these days in my mind are just about everything. Literally, everything. Thoughts of the world, the ocean, the beach, my new home, my old home, my family, my new friends, my old friends, work, money, health, new adventures, old adventures, clothes, food, class, and fear. The one that enstills in my mind with the greatest soft abundance is fear. The fear of how everything in a month is going to change. In 30 days, I will be on my own, knowing my current support group (except for 1) and my family are so far away. 21 hours by car, 2 hours by plane. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited more than words can describe about the move. Seeing that new best friend that after three years of never really talking, and in just two months knowing almost every single detail about one another. Then there's the Fresh new perspectives, and where people don't know me for who I used to be, but who I am now. Somewhere where I won't be that lonely person, and knowing that is a great feeling. Yet, there's that fear that sits in the back of my mind. Whispering... gnawing at my brain. What if it turns out to be the worst decision I made, nothing turns out right, I just straight up FAIL. I screw it all up. For me, and the people that care the most around me. I don't want it to happen. It's like I keep telling myself everyday, "You know you can just avoid it all, and not go. That way you won't fail." But the need to go thankfully is so much more prevalent. I don't know, it's just making me crazy. I'm now definite about this decison to move, I'm not going to turn my back and walk away from it. But it's the hushed fear that just makes me think about every possible thing that could wrong, instead of every possible thing that could go right.
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