Now, I am 19 years old &
I sit here and reflect. I look upon this past year and just think about everything that happened and didn't happen. I'm thinking about who I was as a person then, and who I am as a person now. Definitely a year older, maybe wiser, maybe stronger, but I'm definitely different. 18 started off rough. Busy with my senior year of high school, busy with college applications, busy with IB classes, busy with those stupid standardized college tests. Just busy. My future was unknown at this point, and that was scary. My relationships with certain people in my life were on the rocks. Alone, almost like no one understood was going on in my head. Just plastering on a fake smile, saying I was ok, and just dreading everyday. There was no fun in my life, that's for freaking sure. November and Decemeber went by like a haze. Nothing to report, just school and dreading it all. I remember having hope that maybe, just maybe that second semester of senior year would get better. It stayed the same. trying so hard to please people, and make them proud. I wasn't doing anything that made me happy. One of my best memories though was visiting Pacific, and just falling in love with the place. Everything about it just seemed right. It wasn't like I just made my decision right there to attend, but I could see myself going there. Spring break came and went and I heard back from all my schools. April, was decision making month. What a process that I don't ever want to relive. Just going back and forth, from this school to another. Talks abotu money, and can I really succeed. But finally, April 27th, at around 11:50, I made the best decision of my entire life. I chose to attend Pacific. After making that decisions, life seemed to get better. Senior events came around making the end so bittersweet, then end of IB hell was coming to and end, Prom was a blast with friends I'll keep forever, and graduation. May was a great month, especially that memorial day weekend. It was all too perfect. Summer wouldn't have been better. best summer of my life. Even though I took classes, it was still amazing! I loved it. Developing a relationship with that special someone, becoming friends with people I will never forget, and just spending my last few moments at home. August; what a whirlwind month. I said my hardest goodbyes and my happiest hellos. Moved to a new place that I now call my home, had cupid strike me with his bow and fall in love, and made friends of a lifetime. September just escalated. Everyday just got better and better with memories that will last me a lifetime. So many firsts it's hard to explain it all! Now it's October, and I can only see things getting better. my life at this moment, is literally at it's best, and I know that it's only getting better. I really look forward to this year to come as I celebrate each day with the people I have grown to love. I know I will spend my next year doing things I want and doing things that will make me happy. I will get out of my teen years with a BANG.
Happy Fucking Birthday to Me. =D
